


Aftermath

by AnonymousJedi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dreams, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Ben Solo, Force Ghost Leia Organa, Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Isolation, Loss, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Mortem Force Bond?, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Palpatine, Sorry Not Sorry, Survivor Guilt, The only way to come to terms with canon is to work through it, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wet Dream, many a Force ghost appearance, so that's what I'm doing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:54:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22489756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousJedi/pseuds/AnonymousJedi
Summary: In the aftermath of defeating Palpatine, Rey returns to the Resistance a changed woman. Battered, heartbroken and lost, she struggles to navigate through her newly-discovered heritage as well as the devastation of losing her other half. Will she still have a place amongst her comrades after she works through her grief, or is it time to finally move on from the past?
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Poe Dameron & Rey, Rey & Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> A canon compliant, post-TROS fic. It's heavy at the start, but will be well-balanced with fluffy, wholesome friendships and some Force ghost smut a little later ;) 
> 
> TW: general depictions/mentions of anxiety, grief, panic attacks, survivor guilt and nightmares following Ben's death. Nothing too dark or specific, just beware if you're sensitive to that sort of thing.

_**Chapter 1: The Return** _

Rey climbed out of Luke’s X-wing in a daze, hardly noticing the strangers who gripped her arms and helped her up. She muttered her half-hearted thanks and assured them she was in good health before stumbling aimlessly into the nearby crowd. There were people everywhere; shouting, smiling, hugging, laughing… celebrating the victory of the Resistance. However, their clamorous cheers were peripheral to the torment at the forefront of Rey’s mind. Palpatine. Ben. Death. Life. Death again. It was too much to process and as her feet trudged forward, Rey found herself practically gasping for breath, willing herself just to stay upright. It was a miracle she’d even made it back from Exogol in her current state. She felt completely detached from reality, her mind still reeling from the events of the day. The pain. The strength. The revelations. The loss.

Something, or rather, someone, bumped into Rey in her delirium and she nodded absently in acceptance of their hurried apology. She couldn’t feel anything anyway. She was completely numb to the present; her mind totally detached from her body. Almost as if she was underwater or merely observing those around her through a pane of glass rather than experiencing life firsthand.

Just as the garbled background noise grew to the point of overwhelming her, Rey was half-startled out of her stupor by the repeated call of her name.

“Rey! _Rey_! Over here.” It was Finn’s voice of course, and Rey turned her head just in time to see him and Poe making their way straight for her.

Before she could even think to form words or react in any way, both men had engulfed her in a consoling hug.

“You’re okay! You’re _okay_ ,” Finn kept saying in disbelief. “We were so worried, Rey. I thought we’d lost you. How-”

Rey hugged them both back and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push away the slew of unwanted emotions that were brewing within her. “I’m okay,” she managed in a broken, unconvincing whisper. It was a lie of course. She was further from ‘okay’ than she’d ever been in her life. In fact, in the deepest, darkest recesses of her soul, Rey wished that she hadn’t survived. If for no other reason than because she could feel the numbness beginning to wear off, and she knew that would only give way to more pain than she was prepared to deal with.

As they separated, Finn met her eyes with curiosity and gratitude. Rey mustered a soft smile, but her stomach churned at her own inauthenticity. Surely he would see right through her feeble attempt at holding herself together.

“What happened?” he asked, clueless as to weight of his inquiry. Rey knew it was inevitable. They would want to hear her side of the story, but she was not ready to tell it. In fact, she was fairly certain she never would be.

“I-” Rey shook her head and glanced around distractedly, trying to find the strength to continue; to say _anything_. However just over Poe’s shoulder, she inadvertently caught sight of a man- some anonymous pilot- gleefully pulling a woman into his arms and kissing her with unbridled enthusiasm. Rey shuddered and sucked in a ragged breath as her thoughts were immediately drawn back to Ben and a memory she could never share with present company. 

“I-" She instinctively raised her fingers to her mouth, recalling the blissful warmth of his lips crashing against hers. His salty, masculine scent still lingered in her nostrils. Rey could feel the pressure building behind her eyes as they grew warm and wet. 

"I c-can’t-" she stuttered as her gaze shifted back to the two men before her who were eagerly awaiting a response. Guilt immediately ate away at Rey for even thinking about _him_ in their presence. But a piece of her was missing and she couldn't just ignore that. "I can't," she repeated, feeling herself begin to lose control. She couldn't _think_. She couldn't _explain_. She couldn't _live._ Not without Ben. It was a ridiculous notion considering how briefly she'd had him. And yet she was completely consumed by his absence. "I can’t do this right now,” she finally choked out, now visibly trembling and taking as step backward as though in retreat.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay,” Poe said reassuringly, recognizing the fear in her eyes without fully understanding it. He reached out and grabbed Rey's shoulders squarely as if to ground her. “We’re here for you. You're alright.” He coaxed encouragingly. 

Rey nodded meekly, appreciative of his support; especially given their usual, less-than-cordial relationship. But she could no longer hold back the tears. They cascaded down her cheeks in long, steady streams and Poe promptly wrapped his arms around her in a tight, protective embrace. It's what Leia would've done. She had always been a compassionate leader. And while Poe might not have understood the extent of Rey's pain, he knew that they had both lost their mentor today. Their General. Their Princess. The hug was mutually therapeutic in that sense. But Rey couldn't stand the way Finn was looking at her helplessly and shyly buried her face in Poe's chest as she continued to sob uncontrollably. 

"It's alright," he comforted, gently rubbing her shoulders. But the innocent touch was too reminiscent of Ben's hands and Rey jerked away from both Poe and the unwanted memory. 

_Ben_. Her whole body shivered as she instinctively reached out into the Force. But there was no distant thrum of his familiar energy. No deep, taunting voice. Just darkness. Emptiness. Silence. Nothing to balance out her one-sided feelings as Rey spiraled into panic. And that's when everything went black. 


End file.
